“Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly…”
Change is inevitable. As imperfect and mortal human beings we all will undoubtedly find ourselves struggling with difficult situations that take us by surprise. Whether it be the end of a relationship, the death of a loved one, a financial crisis, the termination of a job, or a devastating health diagnosis we can be blindsided by events out of our control that bring us to our knees. Sometimes it can seem like there’s no way out of the darkness.
I have recently found myself in the same position, on my knees, shouting to God, “How can this be your plan?!” I did not hear an answer. Not right away.
I found that all I could do was to live in each moment. I could not think about the future because it made me too anxious. I could not think of the past because it made me too sad. I could only live fully in the present, with my whole heart and with full attention and awareness. I decided to allow the depths of sorrow penetrate my soul, keeping the faith that someday this would allow me to truly appreciate the heights of ecstasy.
Then something started to happen. The more I paid attention to the very now, the more I would notice, with all of my being. I noticed the simple beauty of a honeybee collecting nectar from a flower. I noticed the intoxicating scent of fresh lavender. I noticed the warm smile of a patient who appreciated the care I gave. I noticed the love of my friends and family who rallied to support me. And I started to notice a voice encouraging me to pursue my dreams.
It was as if deep threatening rainclouds would occasionally drift apart leaving an infinitesimally small but real vision of the blue sky above. Where there was once only darkness now there was hope and light. Once I saw that all the clouds did was to just mask the bright blue sky and the golden sun, I could not unsee it. My faith was restored. The golden rays of sunshine will someday pierce through. The butterfly will emerge.